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Read more quotes:


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I had been recording the very funny quotes of my then-five year old son Seth for a couple of years. One day, he asked me about and what would be on such a site, if there was one. He hoped it would be like the iPad app Bacon Farts with many disgusting gas sounds. He was disappointed when we discovered there was no such site.

A few hours later, we bought the domain and cyber-squatted until I could think of an appropriate site to build. The obvious solution was to make it the brother site to, where I post many of his funny quotes and conversations on all topics. I often add an afterthought or commentary to his because...I can. Think of as's cruder older brother.

ALL OF THE QUOTES here and in the books were actually said by Seth! He is a very funny boy!

Why it is and how it came to be

A second collection offering all new child's views on everything you can imagine. Bodily Functions, Body Parts, Family, Math & Money, plus a whole wagon-load of other topics that pre-occupy young minds. Ages six through eight mean more complex sentences...and thoughts. Even funnier!

DEATHFARTS - MORE SAYS SETH with more sarcastic comments by his Daddy

SAYS SETH - THE VERY FUNNY VIEWS OF A YOUNG BOY with sarcastic comments by his Daddy.

The original collection of Seth earliest commentary on the world around him. Think of it like Art Linkletter's Kids "Says The Darndest Things" gone horribly wrong.

Keep it away from relatives, not because they'll be offended but because they'll pee on your rug from laughter. And then Seth will once again be blamed for things he didn't really do.


You can order both electronic and paper editions of each book from Amazon Books.

Or get your own paper copies signed by the authors Seth and his Daddy ONLY by ordering direct. Signed editions sometimes include a personal hand-sketch from Seth, involving a zombie head bleeding and brains exposed or some other equally inventive illustration. Sorry, we cannot accomodate requests for specific sketch subjects...I can barely get him to wash his hands after pooping (but I will before signing your book, I promise).

All money raised from the book sales will be used for his future college education or for a gastrointerologist to figure out how to reduce the massive amount of gas he freakishly produces. Either way, you can feel good about your purchase and where the money goes.


on Death Farts & other topics

Seth's comments in Bold, Daddy's not.

On the blueberry body soap: "I'm putting this up my butt so when I fart, I fart like blueberries." I guess it COULD be better that way...

Seth belches. "I didn't fart." I'm thinking of adding that to tonight's 'what I am grateful for' list.

Out of the shower: "Shake Shake Shake, Shake your penis." A combo of KC & the Sunshine Band and Weird Al Yankovic. I am so proud.​

"Oops, 'scuse me. It's the fifth time I farted. I can't control my farts." And America's energy crisis is solved.

"Daddy, why does Cap'n Crunch go in brown and come out green?" Irony, huh?

"Do you know that when you sit down, your butt hole opens up?" I can't image how I missed realizing that.

And some other quotes less likely to make you die of embarrassment in front of strangers or your clergy:

"That's aromatic." "What does aero-maggot mean?" It means I need to pronounce words more carefully and define them, I guess.

"Sausage me. It means go downstairs and cook a weenie and throw it at me." Thank you, Merriam Webster Junior.

"3 million 4 thousand 400 million 5 gigabytes, I don't know what gigabytes means but I like to say it."



​"You're treading on thin ice, Seth." "Where's the ice?" "It's just an expression." "I'm looking for the ice."

NOTE: These quotes are taken from both volumes.  For more quotes, visit



35% of Seth's quotes have to do with various body parts

25% have to do with bodily functions

16% are questions about what things mean

7% make some reference to bacon or the pig it came from

5% make reference to love for people or food

The rest cover a wide variety of topics


Electronic eBook and paperback books available

© 2013 by Gary Zenker. All rights reserved.

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